Julie Nelson turns the microphone on her co-host as Chris Magruder steps into the guest chair to unpack temperance, the cardinal virtue most Catholics misunderstand. Chris explains why temperance is not about giving everything up but about balance and self-mastery — over the tongue, the calendar, the phone, food, spending, exercise and emotions — and shares honest stories of the moments God used to teach her. Listeners get a practical temperance inventory, a priorities framework, an emotional-regulation exercise for children, and simple prayers to stay centered in God's will.
What temperance actually is
Julie Nelson opens by admitting her first mental image of temperance was a fire-and-brimstone preacher dumping cigarettes and liquor into the river. Chris Magruder says that's exactly the misunderstanding worth correcting. The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC 1809) describes temperance as the moral virtue that moderates the attraction of pleasures, provides balance in the use of created goods, and ensures the will's mastery over instincts. It is one of the four cardinal virtues alongside prudence, fortitude and justice. Chris points to a helpful image from the Catholic Diocese of Tyler: temperance works like a thermostat — too far one direction and it's too hot, too far the other and it's too cold. The goal is the right measure, not elimination.
Temperance in Scripture
The word itself doesn't appear the way listeners might expect. In the Old Testament, Chris notes, the language is about restraining appetites and avoiding base desires. In the New Testament, it shows up as moderation and sobriety. The virtue is there throughout, even when the vocabulary isn't.
Saint Francis de Sales on moderation and identity
Chris highlights Saint Francis de Sales, known for gentleness, wisdom and guiding souls toward a balanced spiritual life. His advice: do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly. Chris connects it to identity as a child of God — she was made perfectly to be Chris Magruder, not Julie Nelson — and says there is real freedom in that. For deeper reading, she recommends Part III of his classic work Introduction to the Devout Life.
A temperance inventory: where is this showing up in your life?
Chris originally gave this talk with a 17-question self-examination. She walks through several of them on air, asking listeners whether they've done these things, been on the receiving end of them, or both:
Her point: even good things can be overindulged, including relationships, ministry and rest. The question is always whether it is balanced.
"He's been trying to teach me temperance for years"
Chris shares personal stories with real candor. A sixth-grade contest at Camp Foster in Okoboji, Iowa, that she won by staying silent the longest — and how taming her tongue has been a lifelong lesson since. A recent conversation with a friend she hadn't seen in twenty years, where curiosity got ahead of charity and she blurted out a question about a divorce, then went back and apologized. A situation years ago where she approached two mothers directly about their fourth-grade sons and pornography, and it bore no fruit — versus a later situation where she prayed for two weeks first, and the Lord directed her to have her husband speak to the other father. That one worked beautifully. Her takeaway: pray first. Even a quick "Lord, bind my tongue" in the moment reorients the heart.
When the good things become the imbalance
Chris also describes a season of saying yes to everything at church — until the Lord told her to go home. Her body was home but her mind and phone were still at the parish. She wasn't greeting her husband at the door or listening to her kids. Balance, she says, applies even to holy work: it's all good, but what are you actually called to?
Practical exercises to grow in temperance
An emotional control exercise for children (and adults)
For a child in the middle of a meltdown: pause and pray "Come, Holy Spirit." Get eye contact — "look at me." Name the emotion for them. Offer a stuffed animal to hug if they need to discharge energy. Breathe in for four seconds, out for four seconds. Once they're calm, think together about what to do next. Chris notes she has used a version of this with her adult and college-age children too, and shares how looking into the eyes of a Sacred Heart of Jesus image in her prayer corner calms her the same way.
Temperance and technology
Julie and Chris discuss how heavily social media is engineered to capture attention, and note that parents are now often on their devices more than their kids. Chris recommends Brick, a physical device that locks chosen apps on your phone until you walk back to it and tap again — friction that creates a pause between impulse and action. The deeper question stays spiritual: who am I trying to please, and what is this scrolling buffering me from?
Catholic Women Now airs on Iowa Catholic Radio. Listen live, stream past episodes and find the full programming schedule at IowaCatholicRadio.com.
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